Sunday, November 18, 2012

The "What if's" of my life.

When I was 18 years old, I was still working at my first job as a server at Golden Corral. I loved that job, well, all the way up until the month that I decided to quit. That job got me through high school, taught me how to be independent in a lot of ways,  and how to work with other people, showed me that talking to strangers can be fun, and that serving people is a rewarding thing. Plus I made some very good friends, most of which I rarely see anymore. I often wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed at that job instead of ending up at Los Hermanos. I think about visiting, just stopping by to see if the same managers work there, or I think about getting in touch with my old friends that I had. I miss it.

I don't miss the bad habits that I formed while working there, or the negative influence that it had on my life, or the working on Sundays during the Catholic Church Mexican rush at 3 PM, but I miss that time in my life.

Being 18 years old and recently graduated from high school, comes with so many feelings about life, the future, and what is going to happen next. I didn't know what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I didn't know if I even wanted to go to school or if I was ever going to get out of my parents house. I remember that I wasn't all that happy. I was happy in an "at least I have a job" sort of way, but that was all that I had going for me. A couple months later I was dating Zack. Life got a little better, and I was happier. But other then a new relationship which, at the time I figured would run its course and fizzle out (boy was I wrong) everything else was still the same.

Then I met a guy.

I don't know his name, who he was, or how old he was. But I remember him. I remember meeting him, and I remember the conversation that we had as if it was one of those dreams that pierces your soul, and stays with you forever..and it has, so far.

He walked up to me while I was filling a roll basket. It was a Sunday of course, right at the "witching hour" when there seems to be a mass of Sunday best dressed Hispanics coming to have lunch after Catholic mass,
pun intended. I remember being rushed, because I had one of the largest sections in the restaurant which was ten tables full of children. Double trouble. But besides my slight chaotic mind I was feeling great that day. As I am adding the ten thousandth roll to the thousandth bread basket, this man touches my shoulder. I turn to him and he says,

"Hi. I was just wondering if you would come over and serve my friend and I over there?"  while pointing over to the general direction of his table, which happened to be section two, AKA not my section.

 I said, "um yeah let me get someone over to you, just give me a second."

 I had every intent to ignore him because his server was in the section and would get right to him and, well, I was busy with my chaotic orange guava passion and buttery roll goodness deprived children filled section.

I grabbed my several baskets of rolls and away I went to please the masses, and when I headed back down towards section two, I noticed that the man and his friend had a fresh basket of rolls sitting on their table. Of course I had been right about their server. She was as awesome at her job as I was, because I trained her. I walked back into the kitchen with my dirty plate filled bus tub, which happened to be right next to section two. As I walked out the kitchen doors, I passed section two and I double checked the mans table just to be sure he was alright with rolls and he was so on I went to refill numero ocho.

As I am refilling the ten thousand and twentieth roll into the one thousand and twenty eight bread basket, the  man taps on my shoulder, again.

 I looked at him, obviously bewildered at what he could possibly need now as he said,

  "Hey. I was just wondering when you were going to come over and serve us?"

I finally understood his motive, tried to hide my blushing face, and replied,

"Oh, you aren't actually in my section, so I just let your server do her thing. Sorry."

To which he replied,

"Oh. Well couldn't you just come over and serve us instead? I would really like that."

My eighteen year old head was growing by the millisecond, and I'm sure my face was beet red. But I pulled it together and simply said,

"No actually. Your server already introduced herself to you, and we are supposed to stick to our own areas. Sorry about that."

And I walked away towards section six, which was my section.

Now I feel like I need to put this man into perspective a little bit so you can understand how unusual this was for someone like him to be hitting on someone like me. Imagine and twenty five to thirty year old business man, probably around 6'3, dark wavy hair with dark Keanu Reeves eyes and features. He was wearing a suit, without a tie, probably a silk shirt, and had slight stubble. A total babe, who was way out of my barely legal age league, even though I looked older then I was.

I was recently dating Zack, who from day one him and I had been attached at the hip. We did everything together, his kissing improved greatly, he complimented me, and his army uniform made his recently back from basic body and him look look like my own custom life sized GI Joe doll. Life was good for me, and even though I was flattered, I was a one man kind of woman, and I had already developed serious feelings for Zack.

I returned to the bread station for the third time in ten minutes, and sure enough, the man taps on my shoulder, yet again.

Him: "Hi again. So here's the thing, I have been trying to get you to come to my table so that I can tell you that I think you are incredibly beautiful and I would love to take you to dinner sometime. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"uh..." *what do I say to this....haha*

"I actually do have a boyfriend, but, wow, thank you, I am very flattered."

Him: "Is it serious? Or are you just dating?"

 "Uhm..ts pretty serious, like exclusively serious."

Him: "That. Is. A tragedy. Are you sure?"

:"yes I'm sure. I'm sorry, but thank you for the kind words."

Him: "It was my pleasure. At least I can say that I got to speak with you, even if it was for just a moment. I hope that you are happy, and have a wonderful life."

Then he walked away. Forever.

And that is how the bar was set. I will always be looking for that type of guy. A guy who is bold enough to ask me out and be straightforward. I look for that today. Its a rare kind of bravery. I will always wonder What if. What if I would have said yes?

 I obviously didn't end up with Zack. I didn't get my General Issue Joe. I didn't get married and keep my cats and have a wedding. I didn't become a wife at nineteen. I did decide where I wanted to go to college, and what I wanted to do with my life. I did quit Golden Corral and move on to a better serving job, friend situation, and life influence. I was happy, then sad, then okay, then happy again. Now I am about to enter my twenty fourth year, and I wonder what my life would be like if things were different. Would I be married right now if things would have worked out with Zack? Would I be a mom at twenty four? Would I be with that amazing man who romantically hit on me at the Golden Corral, if I would have said yes? Would I be in Chicago right now, if I had chosen something different when I was eighteen. That year was big for me. I didn't move away and go off to college like most recent high school graduates did. Instead I went on a journey that completely changed my path forever.

I am still in shock, that I live where I live, and that I have the life that I have. I am so blessed. The circumstances that got me where I am right now, had to have worked out just exactly the way that they did in order for me to make it out here. I was the fifth person to be interviewed and tried out with my family that I now live with and love. I ended up with an agency that knew and grew up with my cousins in Texas, and was great friends with my coworker who with her experience helped me craft an amazing resume, right when I was moving out of my apartment and ready to move on from my dead end job. I got a job so fast. I literally came home from my interview, packed my things, and left. One choice, changed my path and helped me get here today. I am thankful.

The small choices, or spoken words in my life have been the most altering. Two weeks before my engagement was called off, I had a tearful discussion with Zack in the garage of one of my best friends. He pulled me aside, and told me that he wanted to be married in the temple. This was something that I never thought he would say. He seemed like he was happy with the way things were and I never intended on pushing him towards the church, even though that was my inner most desire. But I figured that since we lived together that it wasn't an option. Plus we had both been so angry with our families and situations that we didn't want to be apart of that life. We just wanted to be together and not deal with the judgements.

But he wanted a temple marriage, from the start. That meant that he would have to move out of our apartment, and we would have to delay our wedding again for another year, even though we had already been engaged for a year because of his deployment. So we committed. He moved out, and we went to our friends church that very Sunday to talk to the bishop about what steps we needed to take. He made it very clear that it would be hard to stay away from each other, and he even recommended that we get married and then get sealed later, but we both committed and didn't want it any other way then the right way. We prayed in that office together for the first time in our relationship, and I felt so good. I felt like I could breath again. I felt like I didn't have to pray every single day in the car to keep me safe because that was the only thing that was going to keep me safe since I wasn't living righteously. One week later he called off the engagement, but I kept going to church. I am not perfect, but my heart and soul make more of an effort now then I ever have. Its all because of that one conversation that I had. Small choices, alter my life hugely.

I am so thankful. I am so blessed, and I know that every right and wrong choice is leading me to where I am supposed to go. I am on a journey, and I will have many "What if's" and "Loves of my life". But what if I did get married? I wouldn't have my life here in Chicago, and THAT would be a tragedy.

True Story.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Halloween costume 2012

Halloween costume result:
Super Girl from the original Supergirl cartoon.
I feel like I stayed true to the original.
This was my inspiration:
I tried to do it right, it turned out to be a mix between the two I think. I think I was most proud of my makeup. I totally winged it (no pun intended) and it turned out good!
(wierd red eyes sorry)
 the hair...not so much. But it was a party to do.
I would say that it turned out great. But not being in Utah made it a little strange. I didn't get as good of a reaction beause I didn't actually go trick or treating like I usually do it Utah. Also, I didn't see anyone that took their costume as seriously as me. I felt a little childish. I wish people out here knew how to have fun as an adult. But at least I already know what I am going to be next year! I may be a couple of things...and I will be home. Hopefully it will be the best yet. I can't wait.

Halloween 2012 (better late then never)

Now that halloween has come and gone, I keep thinking about the events that led up to halloween and I'm realizing how crazy busy that time was for the Burgett home here in Chicago.

A week before halloween, we took a trip to Sea Island Georgia. That post is coming up!

Right after we got home we couldn't even think about halloween yet because we had to make sure we celebrated Oliver's first Birthday! He is bigger and walking and oh so cute. We had amazing cupcakes from our favorite bakery who made an awesome Elmo smash cake, that Oliver did indeed smash! I didn't take smash cake pictures, but I did take pictures of his cute face all that day.
After the cake mashing

Once that was out of the way, we went into Halloween mode. First step: Pumpkins:

Back in the beginning of October we had planned on getting a good bunch of pumpkins because we/I wanted to put a jack o lantern on each one of the steps outside.

They have the perfect porch for jack o lanterns. So we set out to get supplies from Joann's and then didn't think about it again until the 25th or so. Once we got home we just kept buying pumpkins. Every time we went to the store we would come home with a cart full.

I Don't think I have ever carved that many pumpkins in my entire life. I broke the record for sure. We tried all sorts of Martha Stewarty/pinteresty things and I think they turned out pretty amazing!


 I carved all the way through halloween weekend up until halloween day. It was A lot of work but it was so so worth it. It made me feel like I was at home with family, which I was, Just my Chicago family this time. The halloween decorations outside turned out to be really awesome as well. They had a bunch of stuff left over from last halloween that we put up, and we also ordered a really cool spider web and cat.

we also had this really cool fog machine that blew fogged bubbles. When the bubble popped, you got fogged! so cool!

While I was doing pumpkin palooza, we were also getting ready for an originally decided low key kids halloween party, since Natalia didn't want to go all out and do a big halloween/birthday party for Oliver. We planned the party for Lucas and all of his friends before they went trick or treating, and Initially we were just going to do treats and spooky chotchkeys in the basement for them, but when Natalia and put heads together....we get a little out of control. And by a little I mean a lot! Our party morphed into a scary witches room that you had to get to through a fogged up basement hallway. The stairs in our house are insane and there is this big pot at the bottom of the stairs, so we just stuck the fog machine in it and the fog brewed out of it. It looked so spooooooky!
We had all sorts of treats, from mummy hot dogs and mummy pizza, bones n blood (bread sticks and marinara sauce), to caremel apples and we even did mummy juice!


 Brownie, and Rice Crispie treats

This was the table in the basement. We converted the ping pong table into a witches table
 some of the decorations

We had a lot of fun planning this party. A lot of the moms brought food too, so there was an endless amount of fun treats and games to be played. The boys loved it. They all left with full bellies and party favors.
I loved having Halloween in Chicago. I only wish that my friends were here. Trick or treating in this city is so exciting and there are so many things going on that it would be so fun to go with all my Los G's. Next year I will be in Utah, so hopefully the party rocking can commence.


Monday, November 12, 2012

Leibster Award = Personal get to know you time. Tender

This is for bloggers with less than 200 followers.

Each person must post 11 things about themselves.  
Answer the questions the nominator asked, 
and create 11 questions for your nominees to answer. 
Choose 11 people and link them in your post. 
Go to their page and tell them. 
No tag-backs.
11 Things About Me
       1. I used to say that I was allergic to Onions. Just so people wouldn't think that I was weird for completely loathing them.
       2.  I used to try really hard to be nothing like my mother because my siblings point out her flaws relentlessly and often dwell on her mistakes and her bad habits, when in reality I am the most like her then anyone in my family, and I don't think we're that bad. They can live with it.
        3.  I have never been immunized except for one Tetanus shot I received after scratching my skin on a poop barrel at the stables. That's right.
        4.  I have always had a job. ever since I was a kid I was doing something. First paper route, then baby sitting and working at a barn, then Scera theater, and finally onto my first real paying job. It never ends but I love it that way.
        5.   I secretly want to be a doctor but couldn't handle the dead bodies. So I will be a Vet instead. Road kill doable.
        6.   I have a strong testimony and would gladly share it if you beat it out of me.
        7.   If I could do anything in the world it would be to live on a ranch with my own land, living off of that land with a big hot cowboy as my husband who helped me take care of our many varieties of animals which we were educated on how to fully take care of. Oh and we would also be doctors, and musicians.
        8.  Truly believe that the music from my favorite movie "the last of the Mohicans" follows me around everywhere I go. Stores, elevators, people playing pianos, bagpipes, Pandora. Its ridiculous but I love it!
        9. Would love to play my guitar and sing my hearts content to an audience of thousands.
        10. I am a true lover of World of Warcraft. It holds a place in my heart.
        11. I am really really good at Tetris. Asians lose to me often.

Megans Questions
 Do you ever wear socks to sleep?
Yes, often actually, because I like to slather them in smelly good lotion.

If you could do anything right now, what would it be?
Honestly, I would  fly home.

What is your most irrational fear?
I often check underneath my bed. Twice, just in case a monster slipped under it while I was in the bathroom. 

What do you wish you could make money doing?
I would love to make money as a musician but in this day and age it is almost cooler to have a secret talent then to be a famous singer
What truly seduces you?  (eg: poetry, a man playing guitar, gifts, etc.)
Men who are forward, and aren't afraid to go for what they want.  I hate having to entice someone into asking me out because they are too shy or scared I will say no or think that I already have a boyfriend so I wouldn't say yes. I hate men who don't step up. Also, I like it when men use the word Gorgeous, rather than babe or cute.

What color of nail polish do you always come back to?
Red. Always. so many shades.

If you could spend the day with any famous individual, who would it be?
Marcus Mumford. We would play the day away.

What is the story of your biggest heart break?
wow. longest story of all time. Girl meets boy, girl and boy fall in love, girl and boy move in together, get kittens, plan a wedding, girl buys dress, boy says lets get married in the temple, boy moves out, boy then dumps girl, steals her money, girl finds out engagement ring was fake. the end. (short version)

What is your guilty pleasure T.V. show?
DEXTER. So good.

What do you hope your life will be like in ten years?
I hope I will be working with Thoroughbreds and finished with School! I also really hope I will get married by then.
Do you eat fast or slow?
really fast. Servers always eat on the go. It stays with you.

My Nominees
I'm not going to nominee anyone, because I know my followers won't do it back..unless you are Rachel, but Meg you tagged her so done and done.
Loved this post. so much fun. Thanks Meg. I loved getting to know you a little better. I feel like I knew most of those things!

Can't Fight This Feeling

Relationships. Yes that's what I feel like talking about because I have recently come to terms with my feelings towards men, men in general, life and were I think it's going, and mostly because I feel like I'm way beyond my years when it comes to relationships (I'm sure I'm not really, but for my own personal reality I'm a pro).

I've "been around the block" so to speak, in the bad sort of way. But overall going around the block turned out to be a good thing in the end. I, like a lot of girls I'm sure, tend to compare lost relationships to current relationships. Sometimes I even compare the relationships of my close Friends, how they are doing currently in terms of happiness compared to how they were with an ex that I personally witnessed.

But lately I have been comparing every guy I meet to this one particular guy. Most girls compare potentials to a past love, best friend, or their own father which is weird but sometimes they are the best comparison, unless you had a bad relationship and have/had daddy issues in which case it's the worst thing you can do. I on the other hand have an amazing dad so that wouldn't be the worst comparison...anyway.

This particular guy is not a boyfriend, ex boyfriend, or even best friend. He's just this guy. I've known him for a long time, would consider him a friend but just out of circumstance, I don't know him very well, and have had no romantic interaction with him whatsoever. Yet, I think about him every time I meet new dates..possible future husbands...and it's driving me crazy.

This thought, or "being" rather, is putting a damper on my dating life. But I do not take this feeling lightly. This is more of an unknowing unfinished business kind of feeling. Like I'm not finished with him somehow. There is only a significance, because This exact thing has happened before, but always with former boyfriends/fiancé's, and it doesn't go away until I cross paths with them again.

And I always do, which is why I often end up dating the same guy twice.

Let me take you into the depths of my dating life. All three of my serious relationships were revisited.

The best example is with relationship number one. He was the second guy I dated in high school. Text book high school boy meets high school girl romance. Straight from a movie. I Ended up dumping him because he was a bad kisser (enter "bobby" nickname), I ditched my friends for him which was a stupid move, and I always said I wouldn't do the serious boyfriend thing, which was only because I knew that I eventually would have done not so smart things with him had we stayed together. I went onto my senior year of high school without a boyfriend after learning my lesson twice (irony?) and didn't think about him again until right after I graduated.

I had been working at the same place all throughout high school, and was feeling like it might be time for a change, after the job began to weigh me down. But every time I thought about quitting I got this weird feeling that I shouldn't just yet because I kept thinking that "he" was going to walk into my work one day. Just show up out of nowhere. I even imagined how it would go down. He would walk into the front, and ask someone If I was there, someone would walk to the back were I would be rolling silverware and I would know instantly who they were talking about. I would then freak out a little like I was having déjà vu, walk up to the front, heart pounding, anxiously wanting to confirm what I already knew, to find him staring at me the exact same way I imagined he would.

Two months later that's exactly how it happened. (I later learned that he went to great lengths to track me down.) That moment haunted me for two months, every shift, every time I walked passed the front of the building.

That blissful reunion lead to the hardest trial of my life, and of course, he ended the relationship for the final time. I learned so many lessons, about being a good wife and companion, I learned what qualities I need in a man, and I found my own spirituality while recovering from heartbreak and loss.

Next example:

The second guy I dated in high school I Dumped, because I wasn't hanging out with friends, and I wasn't that into him (I was also 15....and Stupid).

I Dated him 4 years later.

At the time I was dating a lot, and by a lot I mean multiple people at the same time. I had taken my life down one path and was trying to figure out if things would work out better if I went down the "right" path. In retrospect I don't think there is a "right path" for everyone, but that is a different conversation.

I heard that he was back from his mission and I couldn't get him out of my mind. I kept thinking that I needed to add him as a friend on Facebook and that would allow me to strike up a conversation, take matters into my own hands.

Two days later he added ME, and struck up a conversation.

Several months and a few NOP's later (nights of passion for my not so knowing friends), I ended the relationship because again, I wasn't really that into him. But I spent every second of those months trying so hard to be into him. I did the exact opposite of what I had always done, and I learned what kind of man I wanted to be with physically, AND spiritually. I also learned how I should be treated, and how a potential in-law family could treat and should treat me. Heck I literally almost married him just because I loved his family so much.

And finally relationship number three. The double rebound that kept on rebounding. This time I didn't really think about him, rather it was fate pulling us together.

When I was going through my date every man on the planet all at the same time faze, I often went to cheesy yet distractingly satisfying social gatherings in Provo. Most of the time pool tables were involved, but I decided that one night I would branch out and go country dancing with my awesome gang of work friends.

We went early to take lessons, since I had never danced the country way before, and I was partnered up with this guy who coincidentally had also just been dumped. After a thrilling night of "Achey Breaky Heart" and a full belly of Denny's pancakes, I added him to my list of NOP's. My feelings for him stayed in my head for the next few days and I eventually dumped my other few guys for this one like minded Blondie, who seemed to be on the same page as me in all aspects of life. We dated, we made out, we went camping, it fizzled, and we kept in touch via Facebook and the random 6 month "how are you? Lets make out" text. Basically the way all rebounds go.

About a year later, I get one of those random texts from him, but this time it was a "Hey I'm roommates with your cousin. What are the chances?" Text. This is a cousin that I hadn't seen in years. So we planned a little reunion get together and the sparks were ignited once again. Of course the relationship once again fizzled.
About a year or more later, he gets a job where I work and is randomly on the sales floor one day....Aaand the sparks flew again. All three times we didn't work out, probably because both of us weren't really sure what we wanted out of life or where we were going. I figured out that I needed someone to motivate me to be BETTER in all aspects of life, not just stay the same. But I always said yes when he asked me out because I felt like I wouldn't be giving fate it's wish. I had to see it through. Especially if it was my destiny, and especially because he was the best kiss I ever had...Haha

All of my examples lead up to this. I feel as If this feeling that I have, this random friend feeling is different. Not only because I don't know him very well, or dated him, but because I feel like my past experiences were valuable lessons that have been preparing me for a big test. Not in the biblical sort of way, but in the grand "journey to find my husband!" sort of way. I have learned to recognize that connection I have with someone, and I fear that it is because I will not be given two chances to figure it out. There will be no make up test. I will get him, or I won't. My problem, is that he lives in a different state. Therefore extending my destined thoughts for at least the next year. Or, if this journey is not supposed to end with him, then maybe I will recognize it the first time around. Then at least I won't be haunted by him until fate brings us back together again. Who knows how long that could take, and I hate waiting. I will take his name with me to the grave, unless I marry him, in which case he will probably find this entertaining...or creepy. Awesome.

I also would like to point out that all three men in my examples were happily married soon after I left the picture. I will be sure to say "You're welcome" the next time I happen upon one of them.