Monday, August 17, 2009

I Need to Vent

Have you ever thought about doing something nice for someone hoping that in return they would one day help you back when you needed it? I sure have. EVERYDAY of my LIFE! why is it that I give and give and give what I can to help others even when I am in need yet nobody helps me back? I don't get it. Is everyone in my family that selfish? I need to get out of here. I need to move out. but in order to do that I need 1500 dollars. NO BUENO. I don't like being a mean person or saying no so people are angry and mad at me for days and give me crusties..I hate the fact that my mom is so incredibly controlling and self righteous that she has to teach EVERYONE around her a lesson when they ask for help! HOW DARE US? how dare us ask her to help us? we are not worthy to ask her and because we do we will learn that we have to kiss her feet and pray for her exhaltation to get what we want. I spent my WHOLE life hating her only to write down my angers on a peice of paper and burn it so that I could move on with my life and forgive her. After all she is my mother right? why is it that I get into a good standing relationship with her and she destroys it again? there is NOTHING wrong with asking for help, there is nothing wrong with loving your mother but every time I try she slaps me in the face. I try to tell her things, get to know her, ask her whats up or go to her when I learn a new song but it comes to the simple fact of asking for her help when I am in need otherwise I wouldn't ask her and its walking on hot coals. It hurts. I don't like that and I don't know how to get through to her....even if I try she just mocks me and laughs like its a big joke....what kind of a mother laughs at their child?

My dad is the hero in my dreams....haha

So, its been a bit since I have written but that's because its summer! and its almost over! ah...sad times. I have spent every day for the past 2 weeks hanging out...staying out till 4 A.M. and swimming. I have been swimming so much it gave me swimmer's ear. yeah..that part wasn't so fun but its going away! yay! and I still go swimming...I just wear an ear plug (thank heavens for earplugs). Also, I have a new obsession: Ticket To Ride. I have played it about 7 times with my buds and we are addicted. we had a sweet place to play and we hung out there every night and it was awesome....great friends really make a difference in your life especially when you are stressed out about a million things, which I am.

Also, I am working on my guitar music! yay! finally I can get a good bunch of songs together to sing for acoustic night or something. My cousin just moved here from texas and he is the guitar. Somehow he comes and he already knows where we can go to acoustic night and jam makes me nervous, and SO excited! In November I am singing at some USO/veterans day or some military celebration and the Scera....I hope it goes well, and I think I know what I am going to sing. :D :D

oh! as for the reason for my title, well let me just tell you. I had the Funniest dream last night:
I was with a bunch of family...from my mom's side I am pretty sure..and we all decided to go sledding up the mountain. I looked kind of like girls camp only it was winter, and the cabins were intertwined in the trees. We all marched up there and my dad was there with his rifle...One that was HUGE! and he said it was for protection. I remember saying that the snow was so fresh nobody had touched it yet and maybe we could see tracks in the snow for deer or something...then it happened! all of the sudden forest creatures from All over were just in the open field that we were in. LEFT AND RIGHT AND ALL OVER! mountain Lions, Bears, Wolves? it was wierd but my dad was there! duh duh duh DUH! He just starts shooting them all...protecting everyone and then a mountain lion grabs my dad's whole hand and part of his arm in its mouth! and here I am thinking he's a gonner but no! he says 'its all good! I tricked him! and pulls away and out comes his arm only its a prostetic...and he shoots was the funniest thing ever. so we all go inside the cabin to wait out our ride via snowmobile and all the while my dad has his gun, protecting us all. He's my hero.