Decisions...Decisions..

I once heard awhile back that sometimes, its the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. Looking back, I think my life's decisions have not only been key to who I have become today, but they were pre made in order for me to get to the point I'm at now. for instance, If I had never been engaged to be married, I wouldn't have the knowledge that I have now to wait a bit...and just get my stuff together before I even think about adding another person into my life. Not to mention the fact that being engaged is probably they key factor that made me come back to the church. I found myself once all was said and done with that devastating bump. I know who I am, I know what I have done and what I have to do to be better, and I know what I have to do to get there. Now, I just have to move forward. Was that the plan all along? Was I destined to make that decision? or was it just a coincidence that happened to live with a guy out of wedlock like it was no biggie, angry at the world and only thinking about how madly in love I was. I think not.

However, the more I think about what I have done, makes me think about what to do next. What if that one small decision to go to a dance or a party leads me to meeting someone else that could lead me down the path of destruction? or what if I actually decide to move to Arizona suddenly sparking an old interest to be a veterinarian and I turn out to be some farmers wife working as a horse-vet in order to keep up the farm. I dunno...it could happen. It makes me giddy and excited to try and think of what happens next in my life. I could be anything, do anything, have anything. But yet...here I am. Stuck in this City, too scared to get a different job because I'm afraid of what I would lose, what I would leave behind. Life IS change, therefore I need to choose to grow from it, but if I do I don't want to leave behind everything...just some stuff (ahem guys).

Needless to say it is necessary at this point. I have failed a third time to get into school due to my naivete and my lack of ca hones so to speak. I know I SHOULD be in school but I don't want to meet new people, or go to different parties. But then again maybe my situation of monotone friend hang outs is hindering my success! what if I'm supposed to be in school right this second and the change from that decision is key to another change on top of another change on top of another...shiz my mind is wigging out. So what motivates me? My patriarchal blessing? telling me that my education is key right now? Because that's all I have going for me..pretty much. well...sort of. My mom has been hounding me and pushing me out the door ever since I stood on her doorstep with a couch a T.V. and my dignity under my shoe about a year ago. But she's right, and she does know what's best for me, even if I don't want to hear it 99.9 percent of the time.

So, here'smy plan. Miss Orem, tho it has been fun will no longer be my get away from everything. I'm not going to use it as an excuse to get out of leaving or not doing something because its all on "HOLD". No, I will not stay if I place. But I will still keep my platform up. I enjoy promoting emergency preparedness and that is key. Now the job hunt is on again and I need to change and revamp everything in order for the decision/change program to kick start again. Am I excite? why yes, yes I am. :)