There is this enigma of a person in my life right now. Too much of him is confusing me. No this is not a romantic person. He wishes.

It seems like I attract these type of men. Insecure, lost boys that need to be herded back to the flock. I dislike playing good shepherd, mommy, or therapist, unless its by my own choosing. No no Male, having an in depth conversation about life and all your woe's will not magically change my mind into seeing you in a whole new light. I said no, and that will never change. 

I'm a really straightforward girl. If I don't want to go out with a male suitor I will just say NO. Just say NO ladies. Its honest, to the point, not beat around the bushy, direct, and cannot be convoluted. But usually what happens lately, is that I will say no, and said male always wants to know why, and a simple "Because I'm not interested" Isn't enough. Its like, they won't let it go unless I insult them. You want me to point out your flaws? You want me to tell you what's wrong with you? I don't even know you!

(Facepalm)

"What is it? Was I too strong? Am I fat? Is it because I'm black? Are you a lesbian? Its because I'm shorter than you, isn't it?"

Obviously I would rather not point out any negative gender or personality traits that said male may or may not have. I would rather not say anything at all. Every time someone asks me for a reason I am not attracted or interested in them I hear a faint, high pitched, shrill voice in the back of my head chanting over and over and over again, "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all."

Good advice. Why can't we all just follow that?

I do not see how telling you what your flaws are, is my problem? If you don't know what your flaws are then get your shit together, figure it out, adjust, reassess, and try again on some other girl. Preferably one that is shorter than you. I am a firm believer in not playing the field if you don't know who you are, don't know what you believe in, or who you want to become, or if you aren't the best person that you can be. Usually when people date and they aren't "Together", it usually doesn't work out.

At least in my experience.

The other dilemma, I guess I could say, that I am having right now is, that I now have rejected these "men", for lack of a better word, and they want to be "Friends." Well, yes you can never have to many friends. But there is a friend, and then there  is a friend. This is the exact example of why there are those who believe that boys and girls can never just be friends. I used to disagree. I have several really great guy friends. I have not been romantically involved with any of them nor do I plan on it. But recently I am reconsidering my position on the whole opposite sex friendships. At least while I'm in Chicago.

I'm not going to be a douche, and say, "No...guy. I will not be your facebook friend. I will not be friendly towards you." No no. That is not how nice people behave. I like to say that I give people the benefit of the doubt, but in recent events I am finding out that being someones friend who has asked me out, and I have rejected, to be a VERY bad idea. 

Furthermore, I am proving to these men that I am exactly the person that they though I would be. Just another girl that rejects them. So then I feel guilty, try to pretend or make up for the fact that I am a typical man rejector, which leads me to be extra friendly to them, friend them on facebook, strike up meaningless conversations with them, pretend to be a great friend, when all the while I just want to go out with Ryan Gosling. Where the heck were you Ryan? 

I dislike being a Cliché. I hate saying no to people. But I've been in enough relationships to know what I'm looking for, and I'm willing to wait for it. Why can't all of the guys in my circle who I actually want to ask me out, step up to the plate? I NEVER get asked out by those men. Its so aggravating. But, I am perfectly fine with waiting. I have no problem doing my own thing until there is a handsome mountain man to whisk me away into the forest. I can hold out. Because I know it will be worth it. Meanwhile I will just sit here, with all my FB messages, chatting up a storm with BOderant A and Homeschooled B.

again..(Facepalm)