The "What if's" of my life.

When I was 18 years old, I was still working at my first job as a server at Golden Corral. I loved that job, well, all the way up until the month that I decided to quit. That job got me through high school, taught me how to be independent in a lot of ways,  and how to work with other people, showed me that talking to strangers can be fun, and that serving people is a rewarding thing. Plus I made some very good friends, most of which I rarely see anymore. I often wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed at that job instead of ending up at Los Hermanos. I think about visiting, just stopping by to see if the same managers work there, or I think about getting in touch with my old friends that I had. I miss it.

I don't miss the bad habits that I formed while working there, or the negative influence that it had on my life, or the working on Sundays during the Catholic Church Mexican rush at 3 PM, but I miss that time in my life.

Being 18 years old and recently graduated from high school, comes with so many feelings about life, the future, and what is going to happen next. I didn't know what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I didn't know if I even wanted to go to school or if I was ever going to get out of my parents house. I remember that I wasn't all that happy. I was happy in an "at least I have a job" sort of way, but that was all that I had going for me. A couple months later I was dating Zack. Life got a little better, and I was happier. But other then a new relationship which, at the time I figured would run its course and fizzle out (boy was I wrong) everything else was still the same.

Then I met a guy.

I don't know his name, who he was, or how old he was. But I remember him. I remember meeting him, and I remember the conversation that we had as if it was one of those dreams that pierces your soul, and stays with you forever..and it has, so far.

He walked up to me while I was filling a roll basket. It was a Sunday of course, right at the "witching hour" when there seems to be a mass of Sunday best dressed Hispanics coming to have lunch after Catholic mass,
pun intended. I remember being rushed, because I had one of the largest sections in the restaurant which was ten tables full of children. Double trouble. But besides my slight chaotic mind I was feeling great that day. As I am adding the ten thousandth roll to the thousandth bread basket, this man touches my shoulder. I turn to him and he says,

"Hi. I was just wondering if you would come over and serve my friend and I over there?"  while pointing over to the general direction of his table, which happened to be section two, AKA not my section.

 I said, "um yeah let me get someone over to you, just give me a second."

 I had every intent to ignore him because his server was in the section and would get right to him and, well, I was busy with my chaotic orange guava passion and buttery roll goodness deprived children filled section.

I grabbed my several baskets of rolls and away I went to please the masses, and when I headed back down towards section two, I noticed that the man and his friend had a fresh basket of rolls sitting on their table. Of course I had been right about their server. She was as awesome at her job as I was, because I trained her. I walked back into the kitchen with my dirty plate filled bus tub, which happened to be right next to section two. As I walked out the kitchen doors, I passed section two and I double checked the mans table just to be sure he was alright with rolls and he was so on I went to refill numero ocho.

As I am refilling the ten thousand and twentieth roll into the one thousand and twenty eight bread basket, the  man taps on my shoulder, again.

 I looked at him, obviously bewildered at what he could possibly need now as he said,

  "Hey. I was just wondering when you were going to come over and serve us?"

I finally understood his motive, tried to hide my blushing face, and replied,

"Oh, you aren't actually in my section, so I just let your server do her thing. Sorry."

To which he replied,

"Oh. Well couldn't you just come over and serve us instead? I would really like that."

My eighteen year old head was growing by the millisecond, and I'm sure my face was beet red. But I pulled it together and simply said,

"No actually. Your server already introduced herself to you, and we are supposed to stick to our own areas. Sorry about that."

And I walked away towards section six, which was my section.

Now I feel like I need to put this man into perspective a little bit so you can understand how unusual this was for someone like him to be hitting on someone like me. Imagine and twenty five to thirty year old business man, probably around 6'3, dark wavy hair with dark Keanu Reeves eyes and features. He was wearing a suit, without a tie, probably a silk shirt, and had slight stubble. A total babe, who was way out of my barely legal age league, even though I looked older then I was.

I was recently dating Zack, who from day one him and I had been attached at the hip. We did everything together, his kissing improved greatly, he complimented me, and his army uniform made his recently back from basic body and him look look like my own custom life sized GI Joe doll. Life was good for me, and even though I was flattered, I was a one man kind of woman, and I had already developed serious feelings for Zack.

I returned to the bread station for the third time in ten minutes, and sure enough, the man taps on my shoulder, yet again.

Him: "Hi again. So here's the thing, I have been trying to get you to come to my table so that I can tell you that I think you are incredibly beautiful and I would love to take you to dinner sometime. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"uh..." *what do I say to this....haha*

"I actually do have a boyfriend, but, wow, thank you, I am very flattered."

Him: "Is it serious? Or are you just dating?"

 "Uhm..ts pretty serious, like exclusively serious."

Him: "That. Is. A tragedy. Are you sure?"

:"yes I'm sure. I'm sorry, but thank you for the kind words."

Him: "It was my pleasure. At least I can say that I got to speak with you, even if it was for just a moment. I hope that you are happy, and have a wonderful life."

Then he walked away. Forever.

And that is how the bar was set. I will always be looking for that type of guy. A guy who is bold enough to ask me out and be straightforward. I look for that today. Its a rare kind of bravery. I will always wonder What if. What if I would have said yes?

 I obviously didn't end up with Zack. I didn't get my General Issue Joe. I didn't get married and keep my cats and have a wedding. I didn't become a wife at nineteen. I did decide where I wanted to go to college, and what I wanted to do with my life. I did quit Golden Corral and move on to a better serving job, friend situation, and life influence. I was happy, then sad, then okay, then happy again. Now I am about to enter my twenty fourth year, and I wonder what my life would be like if things were different. Would I be married right now if things would have worked out with Zack? Would I be a mom at twenty four? Would I be with that amazing man who romantically hit on me at the Golden Corral, if I would have said yes? Would I be in Chicago right now, if I had chosen something different when I was eighteen. That year was big for me. I didn't move away and go off to college like most recent high school graduates did. Instead I went on a journey that completely changed my path forever.

I am still in shock, that I live where I live, and that I have the life that I have. I am so blessed. The circumstances that got me where I am right now, had to have worked out just exactly the way that they did in order for me to make it out here. I was the fifth person to be interviewed and tried out with my family that I now live with and love. I ended up with an agency that knew and grew up with my cousins in Texas, and was great friends with my coworker who with her experience helped me craft an amazing resume, right when I was moving out of my apartment and ready to move on from my dead end job. I got a job so fast. I literally came home from my interview, packed my things, and left. One choice, changed my path and helped me get here today. I am thankful.

The small choices, or spoken words in my life have been the most altering. Two weeks before my engagement was called off, I had a tearful discussion with Zack in the garage of one of my best friends. He pulled me aside, and told me that he wanted to be married in the temple. This was something that I never thought he would say. He seemed like he was happy with the way things were and I never intended on pushing him towards the church, even though that was my inner most desire. But I figured that since we lived together that it wasn't an option. Plus we had both been so angry with our families and situations that we didn't want to be apart of that life. We just wanted to be together and not deal with the judgements.

But he wanted a temple marriage, from the start. That meant that he would have to move out of our apartment, and we would have to delay our wedding again for another year, even though we had already been engaged for a year because of his deployment. So we committed. He moved out, and we went to our friends church that very Sunday to talk to the bishop about what steps we needed to take. He made it very clear that it would be hard to stay away from each other, and he even recommended that we get married and then get sealed later, but we both committed and didn't want it any other way then the right way. We prayed in that office together for the first time in our relationship, and I felt so good. I felt like I could breath again. I felt like I didn't have to pray every single day in the car to keep me safe because that was the only thing that was going to keep me safe since I wasn't living righteously. One week later he called off the engagement, but I kept going to church. I am not perfect, but my heart and soul make more of an effort now then I ever have. Its all because of that one conversation that I had. Small choices, alter my life hugely.

I am so thankful. I am so blessed, and I know that every right and wrong choice is leading me to where I am supposed to go. I am on a journey, and I will have many "What if's" and "Loves of my life". But what if I did get married? I wouldn't have my life here in Chicago, and THAT would be a tragedy.

True Story.